I am angry.
My Facebook friends have started posting all kinds of articles about mental illness.
Anxiety. Depression. Postpartum depression. Totally legit and accurate articles.
But it makes me angry.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good that people are talking about these things. But all it does is make me feel alone. I don’t have one of the “common” mental illnesses. Yes I have aspects of it, but I can’t relate to 99% of those articles, whether it’s because I am high-functioning, I don’t have the warm fuzzy lessons from it, or simply because my brain does weird shit sometimes. Or some other reason.
All of this, plus the doubt I even have bipolar feels like it has stripped me of my right to relate to people. I don’t get to listen to someone’s story and say “me too” any more. Taking away the name I had to describe this takes away what grounds me that there is something actually wrong. And I’m seriously starting to doubt that I even have a mental illness. Even though I know my symptoms, it’s like that knowledge is fading into the background, and my days of feeling suicidal and all that fun stuff never really happened. Which is a symptom in and of itself. I’m doing everything I can to hold onto that, but it’s hard.
But I’m angry. At the system, at my sudden lack of a concrete diagnosis. I’m angry that the new therapist dismissed some of my symptoms as normal. I’m angry that I don’t have my old therapist.
And I’m angry at those damn articles that remind me of all this.