This is going to be quick..I need to get ready for work. I need to get this down so I don’t forget.
I have both feet planted firmly in depression. That is obvious, even to me. But we have a problem here, other than the depression.
Symptoms I haven’t seen in almost a year are coming back. I noticed a couple days ago that I feel like maybe things aren’t as bad as they are, maybe I’m….shall we say….embellishing…. a bit for dramatic effect. And then yesterday, I noticed the one that I think is the most terrifying because it destroys more than just me. The feeling that my mom doesn’t like me, in spite of every single thing in my life going against it.
It’s important to note that I’m saying feeling here, an not thoughts. Thoughts I can fight, I can pull out my stubborn rationality and ignore the nonsense that my brain manufactures. But when that feeling returns, that’s different. The only thing I can think of to compare it too, is loving someone even though you recognize that all signs point to destructive relationships. I could be wrong. Never been in that situation.
Feelings are a lot harder to ignore than thoughts.