Life plans

I have always had a plan. And when that plan didn’t work out I found a new plan. I always had something to work for; something I’m excited about.  I’ve always been goal driven.

When I was in high school and college, I worked toward being a teacher.  When I graduated I worked toward getting a job.  When that didn’t work out, I worked toward grad school.  During grad school I worked toward getting a job.  Once I had that job, I worked towards getting Bipolar under control.

Now, with my latest goal (mostly) under control, I’m working towards…..nothing. I have no goals that I’m excited about.

This is a problem. A Really Big Problem. Without goals I become a miserable couch potato.  I have no incentive to take care of myself.  When I don’t take care of myself bad things happen.  I have learned this about myself. Yes, I’m looking for a new job.  The one I have right now has a crap schedule and crap pay.  It is not a forever job.  What kind of job do I want?  I explore options, but I keep coming back to one idea.

Working for a University.  Research. I love learning.

Well shit.  That means another degree.  Probably a doctorate. I’ve always said no to a doctorate, mostly because I didn’t think I could do it. It’s a big, scary, long-term commitment. Once I invest myself into going for it, there is a very real chance it won’t work out.  I don’t like doing things when there is a good chance that I will fail.  But there is a teeny tiny part of me that thinks I can pull this off.

Am I going back to school?  Again?

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One Response to Life plans

  1. ToadieOdie says:

    I can certainly understand this one – and on every level. ❤ I also know I can't answer this one for you either. May you find your answer with much wisdom and grace within you and when you do, be at peace with it.

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