I have always had a plan. And when that plan didn’t work out I found a new plan. I always had something to work for; something I’m excited about. I’ve always been goal driven.
When I was in high school and college, I worked toward being a teacher. When I graduated I worked toward getting a job. When that didn’t work out, I worked toward grad school. During grad school I worked toward getting a job. Once I had that job, I worked towards getting Bipolar under control.
Now, with my latest goal (mostly) under control, I’m working towards…..nothing. I have no goals that I’m excited about.
This is a problem. A Really Big Problem. Without goals I become a miserable couch potato. I have no incentive to take care of myself. When I don’t take care of myself bad things happen. I have learned this about myself. Yes, I’m looking for a new job. The one I have right now has a crap schedule and crap pay. It is not a forever job. What kind of job do I want? I explore options, but I keep coming back to one idea.
Working for a University. Research. I love learning.
Well shit. That means another degree. Probably a doctorate. I’ve always said no to a doctorate, mostly because I didn’t think I could do it. It’s a big, scary, long-term commitment. Once I invest myself into going for it, there is a very real chance it won’t work out. I don’t like doing things when there is a good chance that I will fail. But there is a teeny tiny part of me that thinks I can pull this off.
Am I going back to school? Again?