I told a friend the other day that it feels like something sucked the creativity right out of me. It’s subtle, but it happened. It’s also hard to explain. I lost that spark I used to have about creating something. I lost my imagination. I’ve lost the excitement over creating something new. I know part of it was the hypomania. I used to dream up things bigger than reality, but there were lots of practical ideas too that I honestly believed I could carry out. And did carry out. I would be so excited at the potential. This last medication change 5 months ago squashed all of that. I am the closest to stable that I’ve been since ever, but at the expense of my creativity and intense emotions and excitement. It feels like that anyways. Sometimes I’m sure depression plays into that, and lets be real, I never go more than a few weeks without it. But this is different. This lack of creativity thing is pervasive, beyond the depression.
In someways, my job is all about being creative and trying something new. It’s about decorating and thinking outside the box and constantly coming up with new ideas. It’s about approaching old problems in new ways and making the potentially boring exciting. It’s gotten progressively harder over the past few months. I need to revamp old programs and the ideas that came naturally to me are gone.
Now its just hard.
Is there a way to get past this? Is there a way to get my creativity back without switching meds?