I need to buy a car. Not this second, but in the next few months. My trusty 13 year old car is still in good shape, but considering its only worth a little over $2000, one thing goes wrong and its pretty much done.
So as I said, I need to buy a car.
Now if you remember, my salary is a hop, skip, and a jump away from me having to move back in with my parents. I’m a major expense away from being in trouble.
But I need to buy a car.
Solution? Get a second job. I’m hitting up the local grocery store after work today.
But there’s a part of me that is afraid. What if I crash again? What if things get so bad again that I feel like I can’t function? What if the extended hours make me worse?
And then I remember. I’m stubborn as hell. When I was at my worst before grad school, I was juggling 3 jobs, 7 day work weeks and 12 hour days. When I stopped that schedule and went to grad school where I had one job and some down time, I got worse. Down time kills me. When I graduated grad school, had only one job and a hell of a lot of down time..the lack of distraction made it even harder to push through. Plus I wasn’t medicated at that point.
I think I’ve known for months that a second job could actually be beneficial to me in ways other than the extra money, but I’ve been dragging my feet because of fear.
I’m done being afraid. I’m done feeling bad. I’m making the choice while I’m still in a place that I can make choices. Maybe if I seize the moment now I’ll be better able to support myself when things go south again.
Besides, I want to buy a car.