There’s a few (relatively big) things I’m juggling right now.
- my job
- explaining my brain to my parents
- 8 hour solo road trip
Now me…I’m all “I got this.” I finally feel like I’ve got my feet under me with therapy and I’m taking steps to help myself and keep myself safe. Despite my brain continually going haywire, I feel as if I’m in control of the situation. Medication doesn’t freak me out quite as much as it did. The 8 hour solo road trip I’m nervous/excited about. Haven’t made that far of a drive by myself before, but I’m kinda looking forward to the adventure.
But then there is No. 4. My parents.
You see, all these things I deal with on a regular basis are just that, regular. The shock value is gone for me (usually) and most of the time its something I just have to put up with like someone who has to put up with a bum knee (or so I like to tell myself). Sometimes it really sucks and interferes with what I want to do, but most of the time I just deal and make the best of it. I like to try and keep the attitude that my bipolar is like a bum knee. It sucks, but I’ll deal and do as much as I possibly can.
I forget that my parents don’t have the same understanding. I’ve only just recently (read 3, maybe 4 weeks ago?) let them in on the Bipolar/psychosis secret. I’ve had 15 years to get used to this. They’ve had 4 weeks. I know my own experience and limits and things I’ve worked out with my therapist. My parents have the censored tidbits I’ve told them and whatever they found through the all-knowing Google.
Tonight I told them that they will be coming to therapy with me one day so we can talk about how they can help me. What I didn’t tell them is that I’ve volunteered them to be my point people in my “safety plan”. They have no idea that things can get that bad for me.
When I called them tonight to ask about the rental car, I could hear the worry in their voices and the questions that they asked me. All they know about is the med change and the car ride.
And then all the pieces clicked together in my head. This week I’m supposed to start a new medicine. Next week (probably) they will be coming to therapy with me to find out their youngest daughter may or may not have to be taken to the ER one day. That Friday I will be embarking on the epic 8 hour solo drive.
Um yeah. Sorry guys. I probably could have timed that a little better…… Go big or go home, right?