I had forgotten how much I need routine and schedules.
This is the second day I’ve gotten up at exactly 7:30. This is the second day that I’ve had time to sit before getting ready.
I’m starting to remember how comforting that was before everything got shot to hell.
In November, when everything started to nose dive (more so than it already was) a couple things happened. My scheduled completely changed to where I was working weekend evenings. I could no longer eat at regular times, and I started sleeping in when I could. I moved. I found out I had Bipolar Disorder. My medicine changed to something that completely screwed with me. I know longer planned out my every moment at the beginning of every week. Every little bit of routine I had vanished. I mean, I had already lost a lot of it when I finished grad school and started working, but that’s because I suck at transitions.
I’m putting myself on a schedule again. Now that I have enough energy to devote to that, I’m doing it. Getting up at the same time every day. Doing the same thing every morning. Eating at the same time every day. Making a grocery list and going shopping at the same time every weekend. I found a mood tracker app, I’m doing that at the same time everyday. I might even start going to church again. Not because I want to, but because it puts me on a schedule. Spontaneity isn’t really an option right now.
I so desperately need it. The more I find out that most of what I experience isn’t normal, the more I need routine, so I don’t get consumed by what I am or am not doing. It’s so I feel like I’m accomplishing something.
In about a month and a half, my work schedule is going to change again. I’ll be ready for it this time.