I am trying So. Damn. Hard. to keep my head above water. I am trying to stay positive, I am trying to cope, I am trying to be strong, and I’m trying to not self destruct.
But its So. Damn. Hard.
Medication for the mood swings, medication for depression, medication for anxiety, medication to get my head to shut up.
I hate that every time the way I feel changes, I immediately have to do a self inventory to determine a source or a reason. I hate the number of times I have had to go to the pharmacy in the past few months. We are talking multiple times a week. I hate feeling unpredictable. I hate not feeling in control of my emotions. I hate having to take a moment to figure out if what I’m thinking is actually real. I hate that I can’t ask for support from people unless I make them feel better about my problem and then tell them what to say to me.
And I’m tired. So. Very. Tired. I’m not defeated, but I’m tired. I want a break. I want a vacation from my brain. I want something in my life that isn’t overshadowed by all of this.
I need a break. That’s all I want. A break.