My friend asked me how I was doing with the latest medication. I replied that this has been one of those weeks where, when it comes to symptoms, I feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole with a 20 lb. hammer. And every time a mole resurfaces I completely forget that I’ve seen it before.
She laughed (I mean, so did I) but its true.
Its never ending and confusing. Things go from impossible to fantastic and back again in a matter of hours. I do things in short bursts but I mostly do nothing. Nothing about me feels right to me–I know something is off.
I have kinda thrown my hands in the air in surrender to the chaos. Surrender in the sense that I’m not going to try and understand, I’m just going to roll with it. Everything is full of contradictions.
I’m kicking butt at work this week, but when I get home, I can’t get off the couch.
I have no focus to do anything, yet my boss and I pulled together a seemingly impossible project in under 48 hours.
I’ve gone from wishing I was dead, to being super excited about everything in a matter of minutes.
It’s confusing and painful and more than a little scary. I feel unpredictable, and I can’t get myself on any sort of schedule. Work has been my one and only anchor in this. Thank God I love my job.
But for now, I will continue playing whack-a-mole. The game has to end sometime, right?