Hope.

Yesterday was bad.  Like almost not getting out of bed bad.  Like you text your therapist because your struggling and she makes you text your psychiatrist, and then you spend several hours texting back and forth until you end up with several changes in your meds bad. (On a somewhat related note–I now have enough pills that I have to take a night that I want a pill organizer so I don’t accidentally poison myself. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find one of those that doesn’t make you feel like you’re 80???)

Y’all know what I’m talking about.

So yeah, I was a wee bit stressed out.

But then this morning I woke up to my alarm.  The first time it went off. I wasn’t tired. My head was clear. My head was clear. There wasn’t anything there that shouldn’t be there. I didn’t know that was a thing. I was so excited I texted my therapist all like GUESS WHAT?!?!?  I know it can go away.  I know that in 2 hours, 1 hour, or even the next 20 minutes I can cycle out of this and be in a bad place again.  But it means that I have the ability to feel like this. 

It means that I have hope.

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2 Responses to Hope.

  1. Congrats!! Even one second of mental clarity is worth more than gold. I totally feel you on this. It’s like, “Hey, my brain is CAPABLE of functioning. THIS CAN HAPPEN.” Even if it doesn’t last long, it’s something to hold onto. I’m glad you wrote it down so you can encourage yourself with it later. 🙂

  2. Glad you had this experience, and more glad that you are so good at journaling what it’s like to live with this illness.

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