This bipolar thing keeps getting more and more complicated. Every time I turn around I find something “new” I have to deal with. And by new I mean something that has always existed, but I’ve only just now been let in on the secret.
The mood swings, the hypomania, the panic attacks. They’ve all existed for at least 15 years, if not longer, but I’ve just learned about them in the past 6 months.
As Sara and I worked through them, one by one, I started to feel like I had a handle on all of this. I was working my ass off to get this under control so I could carry on under the pretense I was fine. I thought I was doing a good job of it, but I really wasn’t.
I learned something Thursday night, but I didn’t know I learned it until Friday. Because Friday I was told. A new symptom that I’ve always had, but just learned about, like all the others. One that I can’t wrap my head around.
So I do what I always do when I’m overwhelmed by this whole mess. I crochet. The more I’m overwhelmed, the bigger and more complicated the project. But this mess is bigger than a blanket. And I’ve made a lot of blankets over the past 5 years.
So I walked myself down to the yarn store this morning and picked up a discount bag of yarn for $10 and a set of knitting needles.
I’ve already taught myself to knit, and found a shawl pattern that I probably shouldn’t take on as my first project.
And you know what? That is the only thing I’m going to worry about today.