5 years, 4 therapists, and 3 psychiatrists later…..

…..I find out I was misdiagnosed all along.

When I was put on a mood stabilizer a month ago I was a little surprised.  It was such different direction than anyone had have suggested that I actually questioned whether or not I accurately relayed my symptoms to the psychiatrist.  I told my therapist, she got one of those inquisitive looks on her face and said that it made sense.  Within a week I suddenly snapped out of the depressive state I was in.

Fast forward about a month, and my mood shifted again while I watched myself fall back into a depressive state. As I described this change to my therapist she looked at me and said, “That sounds like bipolar,” in passing..as though maybe I had this one weird symptom that fit under that label, but that wasn’t really what was wrong (or so I thought.  In reality she just didn’t want to freak me out).

So me, being the person I am, spent that evening googling bipolar disorder.  Then I started researching Bipolar II.  As I read one article or blog post after another, I kept thinking that sounds like me. I read one description after another about how SSRI’s trigger hypomania and depressive states–often described as “the highs are higher, and the lows are lower.”  When I was first given SSRI’s, I’m pretty sure I used that exact phrase to describe what I felt happening to me.

By the time I went to bed that night..I pretty much had it pieced together.  I have Bipolar.

I asked my therapist yesterday what she would label me as, mostly because I needed to know for sure instead of playing the “what if” game in my head.

She told me I have Bipolar.

Crap.  Thinking you have something is completely and totally different from actually being diagnosed with it.

Still trying to process that one.  It has changed the way I view my past, who I am, and what my future might look like.  Not necessarily in a bad way, it gives me answers, and I actually have a better idea of who I am vs what is my illness. I also now know why I haven’t responded well to probably 90% of the things other therapists tried with me in the past.

But it is still a lot.

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2 Responses to 5 years, 4 therapists, and 3 psychiatrists later…..

  1. Patricia says:

    Life is a journey and the path is not often a straight and easy one to walk. Along the path, we meet many people. Some good and some not but all have a reason for being there. Good to hear you have met someone who can help you as you travel this part of the path.

  2. blessing_in_disguise says:

    Can so so so relate to this…!

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